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Lady Valance rang a handbell and, after what Forthenby had accustomed him to think of as an unconscionable wait, a maid appeared who took their order with a disapproving expression. After a good forty minutes, during which Lady Valance barely paused for breath, the maid re-entered with the tea tray. 

Lady Valance poured a cup of the weak brew for herself, one for her son, then and waved her hand, “Yes, yes, Susan, that will be all, thank you.”

The girl looked inclined to disobey, as though she had been instructed to stay and listen with particular attention, and – besides which – could do with the amusement. However, faced with a direct command to do one, she was forced to turn and leave. 

No doubt she lingered by the key hole, snooping.

Still, as soon as the door had closed, Edward slipped his flask from the inside pocket of his coat and offered it to his mother. She took it with silent gratitude and poured a generous measure in to her own cup. He took a long swig, too, before tucking it away. 

Then, because it was only mater, Edward took it out again and passed it to Peaches. The vigour with which she refreshed herself was not lost on the Lady Lucinda. 

“Isn’t this cosy?” she said. “And while I am quite certain that the illustrious Lord Forthenby does not come calling by just to exchange small beer with his aged mother, I will forgive your ulterior motives if - in fact - before you go, you tell me all the fashions - who is wearing what and where, and how they’re being quizzed for it - and who has been eloping with who, and who has married a fortune hunter, and which of those dreadful Almack’s drabs has absconded with an incorrigible rake, because I swear I am quite starved for interesting news.” She took a deep breath. “But all that can wait, for I’m sure you bring me a scandal to beat them all. What is the reason for your visit, darling?”

He smiled, “Must I have a reason, mama?”

“Would you believe you said that with perfect sincerity? But I shall not be fooled by it, and what is more, dear Peach here will remind me never to face you across the card table. Tell me, who was it that that taught you to lie in such a shameless fashion?”

“Why, my beloved mother, of course, who taught me all of her most charming habits.”

She tapped his wrist. “Which is all the more reason that you shouldn’t practice them on her. Now, the truth, Edward – what have you done this time? You’re not going to have to go scurrying off to the continent because you’ve shot someone again, are you? Or have you squandered your entire fortune? No. I know it! You’ve become a highwayman.”

“Not yet, mama.”

“Well, what is it? It had better be something terribly wicked.”

Edward leaned back in his chair, pretending nonchalance, and ignoring the weak tea in unfashionable china. It was the set of bowls that mater had packed away at about the time Edward first went away to school, replacing it with something altogether more charming.

That had been three years before she had decided that the life of a Baronet’s wife was not for her, and dear pater had forbidden his sons from saying her name.

“You would be fearfully disappointed in me,” he said.

She leaned forward, “Is it awful?”

“Unutterably.”

She sipped her tea, “Then, in all conscience, you must tell me, and I shall endeavour to forgive you.”

“I fear that’s impossible, mama.”

“What have you done?” 

“I am to be married.”

“Oh, Edward, how could you?”

“I was overcome with passion?” 

“Must both my sons be such dreadful disappointments?”

“Would it mollify you to know the whole affair is positively steeped in scandal?”

“It might redeem you a little.”

“What if there was a rival, and true love crossed, and pistols at dawn?”

“Well, if you put it in those terms, I might be able to reconcile myself. Is she pretty?”

“Not so much as you.”

“Flatterer.”

He took another sip from his flask, “Hardly, mama. Everyone has always said I take after you.”

She seized him, kissing both his cheeks. “Oh, my dear, dear boy. Very well. You may marry her. And this bride - is she passionate, and musical, and full of all the wild emotions and sensibilities that a young girl should be?”

“Oh, very much so,” he said, in all honesty. “Dangerously so.”

“Delightful! In which case, you are quite forgiven. I was right to pick you as my favourite son.” 

“Mama, that’s hardly fair on Charles.”

“Oh, Charles was your father’s favourite.”

“No, he wasn’t.”

“No? Well, perhaps he should have tried to be a little more prepossessing. And not treat me so abominably.”

“Then am I to say I have your blessing?”

She thought for a moment. “No. No, that I must withhold, unless you do the decent thing and elope with her, with her father pursuing you with dogs, and guns, and suchlike. But even if you cannot bring yourself to behave properly, I shall permit you both to visit me. Soon. And, indeed, for you to come here more often. And to send me a manservant who isn’t hideous and mean-spirited.”

Edward spread his hands, “You know that I would, mama, gladly. But the terms of pater’s will –”

“Oh, that silly old man. And that infuriating boy of his! Am I never to have any fun?  My husband should never have cut you off – you’d have made a splendid baronet, and you would never have neglected me so.”

He could honestly say that he would not have done. 

“I was planning to drive over to the ancestral pile later, so I’ll have a word with him,” he said. “If you’d like. I doubt it would do any good.”

“Oh, would you?”

“Your humble servant, mama.”

“Darling, darling boy.” She seized his hands. “I knew I could rely on you. I would offer you a room for the night, but you wouldn’t thank me for it. The beds here are lumpy and damp, and only have room for one body in them. But, oh, don’t feel you must rush away – instead, tell me, what are they dancing in the assembly rooms?”

Two hours later, he and Peaches walked out of the dismal little cottage and back to the cabriolet, which seemed positively scandalous in such a dull, pastoral setting. 

“Christ, Teddy,” said Peaches in an undertone, holding his hat and cane as he sprung aboard, “I didn’t think there could be two of you.”

“I had to get it from someone didn’t I?” 

She helped him up into the carriage. “I liked her.”

“I rather thought you would. You two are positive kindred spirits. So… do I grant mater’s fondest wishes and leave you here to attend her?”

“Don’t fucking joke about it, Teddy.”

He grinned, and turned to wave at where the Lady waited at the window, looking bored out of her poor mind, “I suppose it wouldn’t be fair. On one of you, at least.” He nodded to the gardener, who was standing about being inhospitable. “Open the gate then, my man. We need to be at Westlehill before sunset.”